With Love, neelie l.a. 7/24/2001

Why you took a hillbilly like me under you wing, I don't know.
I think it was just your nature to do such a thing.
Maybe you saw the good in me, which you seemed to do with a lot
of people.
You seemed to overlook my flaws and I really needed that.
You bragged on my humor writing and encouraged me to do more of it.
You wanted me to make others laugh and so you made me my own folder called "Sher's Shack".
You picked that name and it was perfect.
 

I feel blessed to have met you, though not in person, we knew each
other well.
I am glad that I made you laugh with my tales of me and "mama".
I know that you needed that and it was my only way of thanking you for all that you did for us.
 

When anyone was worried or depressed or afraid, you made sure they were taken care of.
You overlooked your suffering and wanted to help us, that always amazed me about you!
I think it made your pain less, to help others.
You made a difference in my life and many others.
 

God has a special place for you in heaven, that I am sure of.
You have earned your wings, my friend.
Until we meet again, goodbye for awhile.
You will always be in our hearts and we will never forget you or what you taught us.
 

Love you always,
Sher, mama and jughead

Being with Janis for the Last Time

I have so many memories when it comes to my sweet friend. I could tell you
all, what you already know. So, I thought I might share my special moments with Janis.

I wanted to see Janis before she passed. I knew the time was very near, and I needed to say good bye to my sweet friend. The drive there was like a blur, it just seems I ended up at her front door, not remembering how I got there. The first person I saw was Billy. Oh those sweet eyes, and the warm smile he had for a complete stranger. He was his Mothers son, I knew that as soon as I saw him.

He led me upstairs to Jan's room. She was sleeping, and I didn't want to wake her. So I just watched her sleep, which somehow seemed so peaceful to me. I knew while she slept, she was not in any pain. I looked around her room. It was filled with things people had sent her. There were little angels, and little trinkets from all her friends. She had the window open next to her bed, and the wind was making her curtain move in slow motion. I could hear people outside, and thought how often she sat in her room looking out her window. Wishing she would have many more days ahead, to share with Billy.

Then she turned and opened her eyes.  Oh those eyes, you could look in Jan's
eyes and see her soul. She would have never had to say a word, and I knew what
she was thinking. We hugged, and caught up on all that was going on with our friends. That would be online friends, funny how those we met online, we both considered our real friends.

Then she looked at me, and told me she wanted to let go. Janis told me she was so sick of being sick. So tired, and felt it was time she went to a better place. She somehow needed for
me to tell her it was okay.

See Janis loved God, just like he was right there in the room with her. She wanted to go home, she wanted to go be with her Heavenly Father.

This is hard for me, because I never understood this type of relationship others have with God. But Janis did, and this is what made her strong. It gave her peace,  a understanding of life, pain and all the joy she felt during her time here on Earth.

She knew she was near the end of her short life. Janis then looked at me, and said "Tina, I don't want to fight anymore, I am tired, and I want to go home".

With that she told me how guilty she felt for not wanting to stay, and be with Billy.  She knew she was to sick to take care of him, the way a Mother needs to.

We talked about her fears she felt for Billy's future. Still, every few minutes she would say, she wanted to go home.

The words then just started falling out of mouth, I all at once found myself telling her it is time. I was so afraid I was doing the wrong thing. I mean what if they found a liver, and what if this time the transplant worked.

But Janis didn't want to hear this, not now, because she knew. I told her how lucky she was to love God the way she does. I knew somehow God wanted her home also. Don't ask me how I knew, I am not religious.  I have never really even talked to God before. But that day, in her room, he was there. Maybe he came through the open window, or maybe he never left her side. I could see the joy in her eyes when she spoke of going home. There was a certain peace, that seemed to swallow up her whole being.

When I left her that day, I knew I would not see her again. But I also felt peace, I knew she would be okay. She would be here on earth for a short time. To Janis those days were only steps towards the love she knew awaited her. Her last days were spent with her family, and friends.  They kept her safe, until she was able to finally go home.

Now, when I drive home from work, I see the most beautiful sunsets. I look up and smile, because I know it is Janis sitting next to her  Heavenly Father. She is looking down at us, with no pain, a smile on her face, and peace in her heart.

The one thing she has taught me is to let go, and trust. I still struggle with thoughts of God. But now I wonder, if Janis loved him so, then I wish to also.

She will continue to live within the hearts of many. She was loved, because Janis knew how to love. She did so with open arms, just like her beloved Father taught her to.  She left us with so much, she
has touched my life forever.

 Myer

I first met Janis on a HepC list shortly after my husband was listed for a transplant at the U. of M.  I was scared and confused, and looking for any information that I could get my hands on.  Janis invited me to join her chat list and "talk" with other people in the same situation; some waiting for transplant and others post transplant.  She was the most loving and caring person, always giving support even as her body was failing her.  We shared many private posts and phone calls and I loved her even before we ever met face to face.

We actually met by sheer accident.  Pat had an appointment at U. of M.  We got in the elevator and were followed in by a woman in a wheelchair and another woman who was pushing the wheelchair.  Even though she looked very tired, the woman in the wheelchair gave me the warmest, most beautiful smile. We got off the elevator and proceeded to the Dr.'s office, signed in and sat down to wait our turn.  A
few minutes later the woman in the wheel chair and her friend entered the same waiting area.  The friend went to sign her in at the reception area. The friend said
something to the effect of them being there for a post transplant check up. I hadn't been on the Internet for almost two weeks due to computer problems so I didn't
know that Janis had had her transplant.  I can't even tell you why I knew it, but I somehow knew that the woman in the wheelchair was Janis.  I approached her
and asked her if she was "Jandog."  She looked very puzzled and said that yes, she was.  I said, "Oh my goodness, I'm quinlyn."  We hugged and chatted like
long lost friends until Pat and I were called in to see the doctor. 

The day we got the call for Pat's transplant I sent Janis a post letting her know the news.  I didn't know at that time that Janis had an appointment at U. of M. a few days later.  As Pat was going through some of the prep tests our family and I went to the cafeteria to get something to eat.  We just grabbed a sandwich and sat on benches in the hall to eat.  As we were eating I heard a voice call my name.  I looked up and saw Janis approaching.  She had come into the hospital hotel that day for her appointment the next day.  She wanted to be there for Pat and I.  I was so touched I
just cried.  She was so sick herself, yet she made a point of being there for us.  I have never been more touched by such an act of kindness.

To say that I loved Janis would be such an extreme understatement.  She was an angel living on earth, dealing with her own hell, yet always there for everyone else.  She often called me her sister and I felt so very blessed.  I miss her more than I can
express, yet know she is still here with me when I need her.

Thank you for this opportunity to share my memories of Janis.  I could go on and on but feel that this is long enough.  I'm sure that those of you who knew and loved her can recite many of the same stories and I look forward to reading them.

Hugs to you all,

Jeanie Murphy

When I first met you, I was the storm and you were the calm, you saw through my bravado and my "front" and understood just how scared I was and you became my shoulder to cry on, my mentor, my friend, and my Sun and Moon!!!

You encouraged me along my paths when you thought I was ready to move from spectator to active participant in the chats. You helped me transition from being one of the newbies to one of those that remain calm and help with others peoples storms. You helped me grow both with and past my disease and in the process you touched my soul.

I LOVE YOU!!!! I guess I have from the first time we met in the room. I hope your journey is pleasant and you truly understand how much positive impact that you have had in the lives of so many people who would have been lost without you.

Sometimes the dragon slays the warrior, but, historically isn't that how our martyrs are born? And in the process the warrior saves so many before the end and inspires so many more later that they leave a legacy of love for the rest of us to keep going.

That is the legacy I take from my friend Janis, to keep helping, to keep trying, to help the others, to help myself. . . . .

You were already an angel in this life Janis and the next will be all you know in your heart is waiting for you. . . . travel well my friend.

Rap

When I met you at Seeker's site, 18 months ago, it was obvious you were someone special. I watched you in the chat room; your kindness and concern for everyone shone through. Like everyone else, I knew your story and it amazed me that you had such strength of character. Fighting your own illness, yet rallying behind all who crossed your path way. You were there for me when I was overwhelmed with my own personal problems at home. Each day, you asked about Billy (our son) You commented a few times that it was weird we both had sons named Billy, and both the same age. You were there for me when I was frantic with worry over Vic, after his biopsy showed cirrhosis. You were there for me when I began helping at Seeker's site...you calmed my often anxious days; you helped me settle small concerns within that forum. Our talks on ICQ were often about my personal issues at home--you always understood, you always cared, you always made me feel better. All of that left me wanting to show how much I cared, how much I valued your opinions and respected your ideas. Hence; we (Vic and I) began sending snail mail cards:) You always wrote to thank us; and it made my heart soar, to know it pleased you! You have had a huge impact on my life Janis. I will always recall the email from you, where you basically told us all how things were with your health. In it, your last line was : " Please get along with each other. Care about the other person more than yourself" With those simple few words--my thinking changed. It had a profound effect on how I deal with people and issues and daily life. Janis...you gave and gave and gave of yourself. It is only now that I fully understand why. The rewards are immeasurable. If a person's wealth can be measured by how much she was loved--then you are, indeed, rich beyond your wildest dreams:) Just know, dear Janis...that you have touched the souls of so many; your gift was love and that is a gift that can never wither...it will be with me forever.

Thank you, all my love, Doris

A Tribute to Others we Have Loved and Lost